My children are now adults and have actually, believe it or not, told me that I did a good job setting boundaries for them, and teaching them respect. All three of them were very well-behaved children, who made other parents, pediatricians and teachers tell me this repeatedly over the years. I loved that I could take them shopping, to restaurants, really anywhere and never worry about a melt down. 

My motto was always that I wanted to ENJOY my time with them and not constantly nag and complain, threaten or yell when they didn’t behave. Children aren’t born understanding how to follow rules or listen. Remember that it’s not ‘bad’ behavior, it’s just them learning how to live in the world, and it’s important they learn as early as possible to make your lives together harmonious. You can easily get frustrated if you don’t start instilling respect very early on, so if you’re struggling with your toddlers or young children, read on! There isn’t any rocket science to it, trust me.

1. Look Out for “Bad” Behavior Early. At around age two (they call it the ‘terrible twos’ for a reason), every child I’ve raised has tested the limits. My youngest daughter was at the dinner table one night, and simply said, “Are you going to get me my milk, or WHAT?”. I was in complete disbelief, and didn’t appreciate the tone. I told her to ask me again politely, and she proceeded to say it exactly the same way. 
2. Give the Opportunity to Correct. So in the case I mention, I gave her three times to ask me for milk without an attitude. Each time she basically refused. So I asked her to leave the table and go to her room. You must address these things IMMEDIATELY, as they’re happening, so your child completely understands cause and effect.
3. Expect Anger. Here is the thing I think a lot of parents don’t get. Kids are going to be PISSED OFF at being told what to do. My daughter was screaming, crying and throwing her stuffed animals all around the room like a lunatic! They may even say they hate you- seriously. But do not, I repeat, do not stop this temper tantrum! This is the key to it and super important. In every case I’ve seen where a child gets an early taste of losing power/control, they literally freak out, and that’s normal! Also, in most cases, the crying etc will eventually stop on it’s own, then weirdly start up again in full force. You think it’s over, but no- they get a second wind 🙂 
4. Allow for Normalcy. After this episode, my daughter returned to the table, sat down calmly and ate her dinner. There is no need to belabor the point, ie dwell on it at all. The situation happened, and your child knows it- you drew the line and that is key.
5. Expect a Repeat Performance. Yep, it will happen again. They’re going to think, ‘Just because she handled it that way the first time…maybe I can get away with it this time?” The word I use constantly is CONSISTENCY. Parenting takes persistence, and energy when you’d really rather just give in and get the damned milk. It will happen, it won’t be milk next time but maybe they don’t pick up their toys. My way of handling that one, was to ask three times, then let my daughter know that the toys would be going away for awhile. Then I would get a garbage bag and just start picking up the toys. Another common issue is bed time. We all want our quiet time when 8 pm rolls around and it is very normal for kids to feel they’re being punished because no one else has to go to sleep. They will often get out of bed numerous times, ask for water- whatever excuse they can think of. imply take their hand and walk them back into their bed, say good night. You know what you do the second, third and fourth (I hope not more but you never know…) time? Same damned thing. They’re like, ‘hmmm, there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do to get out of this!” Exactly kid! It’s bed-time and I’m not changing my mind about that just because you don’t like it! 
6. Punishments that are Meaningful. You’ll note in both of my examples, I used things that meant something, that would make a difference to them, and that I could easily manage and replicate as many times as necessary. It’s easy enough to make your child leave the dinner table or pick up their toys, and both if these made my kids immediately start crying. I’m being singled out having to leave my dinner! Wah wah! OMG what if I never get those toys back? Wah wah! I’ve heard of parents threatening that they’d call the Police (I’m serious for your toddler?), or put the toys out for the garbage man (you know you won’t get rid of the toys you bought…). 
7. FOLLOW THROUGH. Here’s the thing, if you seriously are not going to do it (the Police), NEVER say that you will. “I will take away the toys’ doesn’t imply they will never get them back- you can make that decision later.
8. Reward GOOD Behavior.  Just as you absolutely must address negative behaviors as soon as they happen, do the same with positive behaviors too. “I really like that you said Please when you asked for your milk”. “I really like that you cleaned up your toys without me asking- so Im going to give you back the ones I put away the other day”. 
9. Understand your Job. You are not best friends with your kids- you make the rules and they need to follow them so there is harmony in your home. They take this behavior to school, play dates and into the world far beyond their time with you, and you are doing them (and their teachers and friends) a huge service in showing them how to act in our society. They will scream at you at times and be angry-and to give in to that behavior because you think they hate you (that’s your issue not theirs), and give them what they want, creates what we all call BRATS. We’ve seen them as kids and as adults too, unfortunately. 
10. Enjoy the Peace. When your children have gone through a few ‘episodes’ (let’s call them), they will start becoming few and far between. And you will 100% notice. You’ll realize you’re now doing much more rewarding that ‘correcting’.

Enjoy some peace in your home and your time with your amazingly well-behaved children!