Self-Care for Mature Moms

We worry about our children- there likely isn’t a mom who doesn’t relate to that statement. But as I’ve noted in other posts, it’s super important to not only care for our kids but ourselves as well. Whether it’s including yourself in their fun, eating WITH them instead of running around serving everyone…we want so badly to make things great for them that we often neglect ourselves.

When our adult children are heading back to college after the summer, we can find ourselves alone, and sometimes lonely. So when they’re heading back to school is a perfect time to re-focus and start a self-care routine. 

I’ve come across great habits that help me center myself and stop the worrying about my kids that can sometimes creep in and give me anxiety. These are things that may sound a little ‘crunchy’ for those of you not used to them. I felt the same way, but am living proof they WORK! They really help to improve my mood; and doing anything to help ourselves is always better than nothing, yes? I look forward to doing these activities daily; numbers 1-3 I do religiously every morning; the others when in the day I have the time and motivation.

• Water. I think it’s really important to hydrate as soon as you wake up. If you forget to drink water throughout the day, you at least know you’ve had a glass. I think when people hear about the importance of drinking water, they don’t really believe it. But if you’ve had days when you literally forget to drink any, you notice the difference for sure. It’s just one small thing to help with energy and mood.
• Meditation. I told you that some things may sound ‘out there’, but this practice has become much more mainstream than it was when I started years ago. A friend introduced me to the concept, and I’ve since started using the app “Calm”. The “daily calm” (and most others) is only ten minutes, so I’ve made it my routine to get my coffee then sit somewhere quiet and do this guided meditation. Meditation focuses on the breath and the ‘here and now’ as opposed to the past and future, which can cause incredible anxiety for many of us. I feel very grounded after I’ve done this. Give it a try!
• Mantras. After my meditation every morning, I recite a mantra. This is a short saying that sends a message out ‘to the universe’. This has been THE most helpful of these habits, when it comes to alleviating worry about my kids. My mantra goes:

May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be at peace.

Then I say that again, but list my children, husband and father.

May YOU be happy. May YOU be safe. May you be healthy. May you be at peace.

Then I say, “IT IS SO”, and thank the universe for making it so. 

I’m not a religious person, but do believe in a higher power. Whatever you believe in, send the message out. My feeling is, “I asked the universe to keep my children safe and healthy, so that will be done”. Of course no one knows what the future holds, that’s what makes it so damned scary! But this practice makes me feel like I have a little control. 

• Journaling. This is something I did years ago and recently picked back up, and I really enjoy it. Partly because I like writing, but also, getting my feelings out is SO important. I’ve had issues like everyone; with my husband, children, weight, money, career dilemmas, etc, etc. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t struggle with our self-esteem and consequences of our behavior. Sometimes I just write a paragraph or two and sometimes a few pages, depending on what I’m facing. But getting into the habit of doing this daily has taken what’s bothering me out of my head and onto the paper. 
• Gratitude. After I roll out the yoga mat, I light some incense and thank the universe for all that’s good in my life. My health, my children, the love of my husband, food, clean water…hopefully you can think of things! I just love my outside patio in the summer with our hot tub, and love grilling. Those are relatively small things, but I’m so grateful I am able to enjoy them! You may have ailments, and there are things getting you down, but this is dedicated time to remember all the good you do have in your life!
• Yoga. I know this practice isn’t for everyone. But I will tell you that it’s helped me immensely. I’ve watched many videos, taken classes and read books on this subject, so I’ve taken that knowledge, and now do what is easiest and best for me- so I continue to look forward to it and not dread it (like some classes I’ve taken). I do a 15 minute routine that fits in stretching with strengthening and balance (great for aging). I just love how I feel when I’m done with this in the morning!
• Set your intention. At the beginning of my yoga practice, with my hands in prayer position, I set a one-word intention for my day. Some words I’ve used are positivity, strength, patience, love, kindness, resilience, ease, peace. I revisit this pose at the end of the practice, and state the intention one last time. It’s just an added boost of confidence in yourself. You’re saying, ‘this is how I’m going to be today’, and it will be a great day.
• Vitamins. Like drinking water, I see a difference in my mood and energy level when I take multi-vitamins on a regular basis. If you have a particular disease or ailment, you might want to research whether it makes sense to take additional vitamins, minerals or supplements that may help you. I have an autoimmune disease, and it’s advised that people with this take vitamin D, for example. So I take one of those along with the regular multivitamin. I’ve also had success with supplements like ginseng, ashwagandha and turmeric.
• Exercise. In addition to yoga, it’s beneficial to add some cardio and weights to your routine, at least a few times a week. There’s a lot of research on how exercise boosts your mood, and how important weight bearing exercise is for older women in particular. I have a treadmill, but do find walking incredibly boring. So to motivate me a bit, I’ve started listening to podcasts (murder mysteries are my favorite) that are at least 15 minutes. It’s honestly not the length of time or intensity, but the consistency that counts. 
• Counseling. This is something that (thankfully) has lost its stigma in recent years. I’m not seeing a counselor now, but I have many times over the years. I consider my need to talk to someone “situational’, and usually go for a few sessions and am good to go once I’ve identified issues and learned some coping strategies. For sure consider this if the basic at-home de-stressing techniques aren’t working for you. There are so many options for sessions to be remote- so it’s easier than ever to fit into your schedule. I have strongly encouraged my older daughters to give it a try as well, and am so pleased they have been going. Issues with self-esteem and confidence are common as young adults, and just taking the time for self-improvement is a confidence builder in itself!                                     
• Plan activities with your children, so you have things to look forward to, and you don’t have  to wait until the next school break to see them. We’ve already planned a football game, a spa for my birthday, and dinner for my middle daughter’s birthday in September!! 
• Take time for activities YOU love. For me it’s reading, silly reality shows, cooking new dishes, outings with my husband, dinner with friends, or a wonderful deep tissue massage. ENJOY this time, and be happy knowing your kids are also enjoying the one-in-a-lifetime experience college brings. They’re learning, growing and becoming terrific adults. Celebrate that you did a great job!