Dealing with it at older ages, and as we prepare for winter travel

My husband and I have routinely taken trips in February to celebrate his birthday and Valentines day. I love having these trips to look forward to, and am thrilled to have the opportunity to escape the northeast frigid temperatures. But this trip always comes with some anxiety for me, as a nearly 60 year-old woman with pale skin and some extra pounds.

Before one of these trips almost eight years ago, I was complaining about being fat to my then boyfriend. This is what he wrote to me.

“Ok, crazy lady. I’m going to say this a million times but you won’t believe it: You are NOT fat!!! You weren’t fat last year. You won’t be fat next year 🙂 Body image is tough. It took me awhile, and probably trying to be an actor helped, but I realized the way I look is not MY problem. It’s THEIR problem.

If people don’t like the way I look, they don’t have to look at me. 🙂 (Yes, I need to be healthy and that IS my problem, but the actual way I look is not). Anyway, I hope you internalize some of this and feel a little better. You ARE beautiful! :)”

HAHA. I call this the “Body Image Credo” and actually printed it out and put it on the fridge. I am extremely lucky to have a partner who tries so hard to rid me of insecurity. But we as women struggle SO much with it, even when we have wonderful support. We struggle, at any age really, but especially now for me. I am about the same weight as my daughter (thanks to a weight loss challenge- see the post here), so why does she look so much thinner than me? Aging. Our bodies start morphing into different proportions, especially for those of us who have had children. 

So preparing for a nice warm trip, I think too much about being around younger women who DO have bodies that are young and toned. It makes me compare myself to them and that can get depressing! I can even feel that way around my gorgeous 20-something daughters sometimes.

But I’m not going to stop going places just because I’m getting older. And fatter. And it’s a million times more important to me that I FEEL good as opposed to how I look. I’m grateful to be the age I am!

Here are some ways I deal with the body image issue, on a daily basis and especially for trip prepping.

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Meditation. I’ve written before about how I include this in my daily self-care, but with regard to how I feel about aging and myself/body, it’s very helpful. The point of meditation is to take you out of your head. It’s also to help you look at what IS, as opposed to how you WANT things to be. Easier said than done of course, so having someone guide you through exercises in mindfulness starts affecting you positively over time for sure. In times of insecurity especially, I encourage you to give it a try!

Exercise. A bit of cardio every day will help with walking around airports and such. Even more important, in my opinion, is stretching. For my autoimmune disease, I struggle with balance, which throws off my hips and causes back pain. I’ve found that yoga and stretching has really improved this. As we age it becomes important for all of us, regardless of added health issues. 

I’ve started some circuit work with weights recently in efforts to try and ‘redistribute’ my fat. That’s not happening…so a word to the wise, never think any kind of exercise will have an immediate impact on how your body looks. I have issues with my flabby arms, and think that every time I do my dumbbell weights, my arms will be toned next time I look at them. We tend to trick ourselves into fast fixes- I guess that’s the reason aging creams and makeup sells so well. I do think that when we were younger- teens and 20s- exercise had a much greater effect and worked much faster.

The goal for us older women is to FEEL as good as possible, which leads to self-confidence and happiness. Whether or not exercise impacts the way our bodies look, it is great for you! It contributes to strength, flexibility, endurance and elevated mood. If you’re at home, work, on a vacation, or anywhere, it’s worth doing regularly!

Massage. Consider getting a professional one, because they feel incredible, but this is also a great way to get in touch with your body and feel better in your own skin. I opt for deep tissue to get out the knots in my shoulders, but check out all the kinds they offer at your local day spa. So many options, and just the calming atmosphere of a spa helps your mood and attitude about yourself. If your partner can give you a massage- that works too! 

Mani/Pedi. Although you can’t quickly change the way your body looks, you can change up your nails on your fingers and toes, and even these small changes can make a difference in how you feel. For our winter vacations, I choose colors that are fun and summery like oranges or yellows. Basically colors I would not ordinary choose, especially in winter.

Put on your bathing suit. I know you’re dreading it, but take my advice and don’t wait until you get to the warm beaches to put it on. Pick out a few of your most flattering suits to pack, and start wearing them around the house for a little bit each day as you count down to the vacay. Again, the message is to be REALISTIC. There are probably things you really like about yourself and maybe others you don’t- whether it’s a personality trait (mine is impatience), or something about your body. But you are YOU, and it’s important you accept yourself, even things you consider flaws. Also, understand that everything is relative. I’ve stressed over going out in my bathing suit to a pool, only to find people probably 3x my weight hanging out of their bikinis without a care. Good for them!

Consider tanning. I used to be very against this given skin cancer concerns, etc. But the last few years I’ve given it a try as a welcome break to harsh winter temperatures. You only go in for @10 minutes at a time and can adjust intensity. It feels amazing, and I personally think it’s healthy for your skin to get a little UV exposure before warm-weather trips. Winters in the northeast have little to no sun, and even when they do, we’re all inside. So going from no sun to a lot can catch you off-guard if you aren’t careful. Obviously remember to load up on sunscreen.

Start perusing online shops for clothes that look comfy but are stylish. Things like rompers, pant suits, and cute dresses are my go-tos. These give you an instant outfit without having to think too hard in terms of mixing and matching shirts, skirts or pants. I love short, colorful dresses for my warm-weather vacations. See here! They’re easy to get on and off, are flattering, and go well with shoes from sneakers to heels. You save space in your suitcase with these- because you can dress them up or down depending on the occasion. Pair them with your choice of shoes and accessories like jewelry, scarves and hats (there are some super cute brimmed hats that would be a perfect match for these!).

Last point, if your struggles with body image or anything about yourself prevent you from going places and enjoying life, I highly encourage seeking out a professional therapist. A positive thing about COVID was that online counseling became so much more prevalent. Also, the stigma that used to be associated with mental health is pretty much gone. Myself, my daughters and husband have all benefitted from it at one time or another.

I hope if you’re planning a vacation somewhere warm this winter or anytime, you have an AMAZING time. Enjoy the incredible body and mind you have, and make the most of it wherever you are. Remember you are beautiful!