If you’re a bit older like me, you might find yourself a position of caring for an elderly parent. I recently spent time sharing in the caregiving of my 98 year-old father. It is honestly a privilege to spend some quality time with him, and we are very fortunate that he has been able to stay in the home he loves, that he is still able to converse with us somewhat logically, use the bathroom, eat etc. 

Our main issues are short term memory, balance/falls, strength and nutrition (he has no interest in eating). Your issues may be different, but if you can relate, here are some things I’ve learned in my experience that I’m hoping might be helpful for others in a similar situation. 

Little tricks that make managing his daily life easier for him and you!

A care plan-caregiving flow chart. With the potential of my dad falling, and me (or others) being there alone, I was pretty worried that I might not be able to get him back up by myself. Or him being hurt and not knowing what to do. I highly suggest inquiring with your local fire department and police to see how they would like it handled.Ie, they may offer a ‘lift assist’ for non- emergencies, or there may be a limit on the number of times you can call, etc.

We have now had to call a few times and the police are able to lift him no problem. So our flowchart has ‘if-then’ scenarios. IF you can lift him and he has minor injury- where the first aid supplies are kept. If you cannot, who to call. And sadly, we also have who to call if he is unresponsive or not breathing.

I honestly cannot say enough about these back-up plans, they have taken a lot of worry off of us. We considered asking neighbors if they might be on call to help. So whoever is in your network of friends or family, include them in the plan, and let them know in advance. It’s good to have those people as the first line of defense, and if they aren’t able to help/resolve an issue, then go to the professionals. Always have the important phone numbers on the sheet too. Not just who to call to help, but who will need to know if he’s been taken to the hospital, etc, even if they don’t live locally.

Control the environment. We pulled up all throw rugs, which are a falling hazard for sure. A great idea was motion detection lights, that my husband put in the hallway outside his bedroom and by the bathroom. He does sometimes wander around at night and go to the bathroom, so these were a great idea. They are VERY bright, which is perfect for him, but beware if YOU need to get up at night, they’ll blind you!

Cameras. We have the blink.com app, which is really great because you can share it with all interested parties and caregivers, and you can view the cameras from everywhere. We put cameras in my father’s bedroom upstairs, and the living room and kitchen downstairs. The one in his bedroom is the most helpful. When I see him getting up and walking around or down on his knees looking under the bed, I run up there and help him get what he needs.  

With the downstairs cameras, we’re looking to see if he goes down the stairs, and also to make sure caregivers show up who are scheduled. At one time we used companies who sent people who were sometimes unreliable. If both of us were out of town, it is especially important to be sure someone was there.

Programmed phone numbers. Be sure to have the phone system as easy as possible. Programmed numbers whereby he only needs to dial one number- ie 2=Nora, work really well, although he may call someone in the middle of the night! (yes, that happened to my poor sister). Later he actually forgot which number corresponded to whom, so we made a chart in big letters by the phone. 

Food. My father eating regularly has been one of our top priorities, since it significantly affects his energy, strength and cognition. His body is weak, so he wants to sleep or lie down a LOT. But if he’s not sitting up and awake by late morning I go up with some breakfast. The thing I learned is to be proactive, and make him do it.

“Time for breakfast Dad!”

Protein is great if you can fit it into the meals, and we never worry about sugar or fat if he eats it! If serving something on a plate, it needs to be cut up into bite-sized pieces. I found that his eyesight is really going, so he honestly doesn’t know what’s on the plate. I always spell it out…”You have an egg on toast over here, a banana over here”, etc. I found a segmented plate works best in order to distinguish between different foods. And a bowl is perfect, since there’s no confusion and it’s relatively easy to eat.  I also invested in special utensils that are supposed to be easier for older people. Since they’re weighted, I do believe they work better than regular forks and spoons.

Some meal ideas:

• A poached egg on buttered toast, banana and danish- cut up
• Pancakes with butter and syrup, banana-cut up
• Oatmeal or grits with brown sugar and/or syrup
• A tuna sandwich on toast with tomato- cut up
• Mashed potatoes with canned beef stew
• TV dinners!
• Ice cream, milkshakes, protein shakes

We did find as time has gone on, that it honestly doesn’t matter that much WHAT you serve him, but he has to WANT to eat. There are days he literally doesn’t want to, no matter what we give him or how hard we coax. So we had to stop blaming ourselves and racking our brains to figure out what he may like better. I did find root beer float ice cream treats. My dad loves sweets and made his own root beer when we were kids, so I thought he might enjoy those. He did!

So if your parent has some nostalgic dishes they used to enjoy or make, try them! Just don’t be too disappointed if they fall flat when eating isn’t going to happen that day. NOT YOUR FAULT.

Medication. We’re really lucky that my dad takes three very small pills. Just like with a cat, we put them into his food! Honestly his eye-hand coordination isn’t so great, so this is the best way to get them into him daily. After I (generously) butter his toast, I put the pills right into the butter, then a poached egg on top. So you don’t even see or really taste them all mixed in like this. It would be really easy in things like oatmeal too.

Drinking. Another thing so important, yet something my dad just doesn’t think to do. Dehydration is so common in older people, so you have to try as hard as possible to keep the fluids coming. We found an answer with my father- cider! For some reason my dad is crazy about it. He always comments on how good it is ’Whoever invented this must be a millionaire!’ So I check regularly through the day as to whether his cup is filled. I do leave some fresh water there all the time as well, but nothing compares to the cider. Experiment with your parent with different juices and flavored drinks. Like the food dishes, it’s important that his cups are easy to manage. We go for small mugs with handles, as opposed to any glasses where he needs two hands.

Conversation. When I bring food and drinks to my dad, I always sit for awhile to talk and keep him interested in sitting up to eat. I try to turn topics into things that happened in the past- which he remembers much better than today.

If he says he missed going to church, I might say ‘you always used to go to church with your father….which will start him talking about how his father was the superintendent of the Sunday schools. If he says he likes the tomato in his sandwich, I might say, “Remember when you used to grow tomatoes?” I find that even a few minutes of this daily keeps his mind a bit sharper. This is where I really feel it makes a big difference that he’s my father, as opposed to a random caregiver. I know a lot about his life and can help him remember happy times!

I hope you found some of my caregiving ideas useful. Make the most of your time with your parent(s) and enjoy these precious moments together.