Marrying Different Ways of Eating

My husband was a lifelong bachelor before he married me four years ago. He’s lived in NYC (see my post about a recent trip there), LA, Chicago and even London. He was working as an actor, so moved to places that made sense to find work.

Since he was single for so long, he developed the habit of eating what he can get easily and cheaply- so typically fast food. This kind of eating can be fine if you’re 20 or 30 years old, but now he’s 61 and, you guessed it, is overweight with diabetes and heart issues.

As for me, I moved to a small town with my first husband where I spent 20 years raising three daughters and having a pretty ordinary life. I worked full-time as a single mother, and since I grew up with healthy eating habits, I encouraged my children to develop those habits as well.

We would plan meals together (see my post on how to stop hearing what’s for dinner!), and rarely eat fast food. I did a lot of cooking at home; learning new recipes and sharing meals as a family.

As an empty nester now, I continue to eat healthfully. Healthy aging is super important to me, and I now have an autoimmune disorder which also factors into why I have the nutritious eating habits that I do.

I still need to drop like ten pounds even after the Biggest Loser Challenge (see my post on how we did this). In general, I maintain my weight and health by gravitating toward fresh snacks or charcuterie boards like this below- something light and refreshing that I can enjoy with a nice glass of wine.

My husband and I are a terrific match (see my post ‘when an introvert loves an extrovert’) in so many ways despite our different paths. But one of the trickiest balancing acts we face is when it comes to food.

Much of the time I have known him we have had a long distance relationship, which has afforded him the time to continue his bachelorhood, if you will. But his work schedule has recently changed, and he is with me 80% of the time now instead of 20%. It’s an adjustment for both of us in many ways; but mostly with his constant questioning of the food situation.

When will he be eating? What is he eating? Should he go out now and have something big or small? Will the food and the schedule satisfy him?

Recently,  his cardiologist told me that he was “deputizing me”, ie making me the sheriff so to speak, regarding my husband’s diet. I’m not sure how I feel about that because I don’t want to be the parent of a grown man, nor does he want that. But how will we work together to help him (and me) lose weight and decrease the chances of further health issues?

You cannot ‘make’ someone change habits. They have to want to do it themselves.

But you can help make it easier!

Here are some ways I’ve put together a plan that works for both of us.

A Collaborative Eating Plan

I took inspiration from Ina Garten and her book, ‘Cooking for Jeffrey’.

If you’re like me, you’ve watched Ina and think she and her husband are adorable. So, instead of looking at this challenge as mothering or making rules, I decided to have a different attitude. My husband works full time right now and I don’t, so I’d like to do my part and make some delicious and healthy dinners for him.

Out of love and not obligation. Like Ina!

“Instead of going out to dinner, buy good food. Cooking at home shows such affection. In a bad economy, it’s more important to make yourself feel good”

Ina Garten

First, I made a list of dishes I know how to make that have tasty lower fat versions. He starred the ones that he liked the best.

Then I put them on a calendar.

The first time I did this, I left too much space in the calendar, and he found himself aimlessly wondering what to do. So the next time I put the schedule together, I built in a couple eating out options, activities (including the gym) and appointments, and designated work time.

Some Tips for Menu Planning

Don’t stress over cooking. I cook meals about four times a week, and we also do leftovers, salads, and sandwiches to mix it up. I might make one, more complicated recipe with several steps, but as you’ll see from the meals below, they’re all relatively quick and easy.

Keep it interesting via different cooking styles like grilling, hotpot or putting out a self serve bar like tacos.

Make sure it’s filling. I think I can stereotype most men in terms of what they like…generous portions and heavier foods. So I use a lot of proteins in my cooking to try to meet that criterion. I disguise smaller portions with assortments of vegetables and sides like lower carb rice, bread or pasta.

Try to make it look appealing. We eat with the eyes, as they say, so I at least attempt to add some color to the plate. Proteins will have bland colors (think fish and chicken), so starting with those on the plate can make a great palette for your inner artist! I’m in no way trained in any type of meal plating, but common sense can be your guide here. Some colorful vegetables in greens, oranges and reds can round out the plate, making it much healthier and filling it up so it is more satisfying.

Build in one healthier fast food option (Taco Bell and Chipotle are good) on a night you’re busier, and one take out meal for an activity at home (we do hoagies for weekend football games).

Include one restaurant meal– whether breakfast (we love Denny’s Fit Slam!), lunch or dinner. This really forces you to pre-plan, because if you’re meeting friends this week, for example, your restaurant meal should be part of that event. The idea is to really minimize eating that’s outside the home, while ensuring that you don’t feel deprived or forbidden to eat out once in a while. Just make smart choices!

Here are some easy recipes that I’ve transformed into lower fat options. They are favorites of a hard to please eater. Try them!

Husband-Approved Healthy Meals

The secret to these dishes is focusing on flavor. Most ethnic dishes like Mexican, Chinese and Indian use so many wonderful spices. They have pops of favor without the fat, so I really lean toward these cuisines that my husband and I both love.

Practicing Weight Watchers has really taught me a lot about replacing fattier foods with healthier options (see my post on Surviving Weight Watchers), so in addition to keeping in mind my menu planning tips, I am thoughtful about making these meals all lighter than the original recipes.

Fajitas (or other variations- tacos, burritos). This is my go-to for an easy and fairly healthy meal with great flavor.

How to Make Them

1. Roast a pan of peppers and onions

2. While those are cooking, pan fry some ground turkey with Mexican seasoning/taco mix until it’s longer pink.

3. Use carb light or zero carb tortillas, and put out a bunch of healthy fixings. Try fat free plain yogurt (the perfect sub for sour cream), low fat shredded cheddar, some pickled onions, corn, shredded lettuce, tomatoes, salsa and guacamole.

PS. You can make the world’s easiest enchiladas using these ingredients too. Just spread a layer of a low calorie enchilada sauce on some tortillas, add cooked veggies, proteins and green chilies. Roll up and cover with a low-fat cheddar cheese. Bake about 10-15 minutes at 350 degrees .

Meatloaf. I’ve made this healthy version for my kids for years, and it’s a winner for being flavorful and satisfying.

How to Make It

1. Put a pound of low fat (ie 90+% fat free) ground turkey in a bowl. Add to that:

• 1/2 c chopped red onion
• 1/2 c chopped celery
• 1/2 c shredded low fat cheddar cheese

2. In a separate bowl add:

• 1 cup of milk (almond etc. works)
• 1 beaten egg
• 2 pieces of bread (any kind) pulled apart into small pieces

3. Let the bread absorb all the liquid in the bowl, then add it to your turkey mixture.

4. Stir this well, and add garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste.

5. Put the mixture into a greased bread loaf pan.

Optional, but I do recommend a sauce for the top of the meatloaf. This one is delicious.

6. Stir together:

• 1/2 c marinara sauce
• 2 tsp brown sugar or other sweetener
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard

7. Mix these together well and spread over the top of the meatloaf.

8. Cover with foil, and bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees.

I serve this with mashed potatoes (with almond milk and low fat margarine), green beans and my homemade applesauce.

Homemade Applesauce
– Peel and slice about 5 large apples (honey crisps are so good)
– Add the apples to a pot of water and boil on medium
– Cook about 10 minutes, then drain

Add the apples to your blender with:
– 1 tsp brown sugar
– 1 tsp cinnamon
– 1 tsp salt
Pulse in the blender until the desired consistency (I like it chunky)

Meatballs. I also love using low fat ground turkey to make meatballs. They are so versatile in terms of serving. On top of pasta of course, but we love meatball hoagies for football games (see my post ‘Game Day on WW’) or to make smaller ones as appetizers in a crockpot.

How to Make Them

1. To a pound of ground turkey in a bowl, add:

• 1 beaten egg
• 1/2 red onion, diced
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• Red Pepper flakes, salt and pepper to taste

2. Open a can of seasoned Panko breadcrumbs, and slowly pour some into the bowl, while you knead the mixture with your other hand. Add breadcrumbs until you get the desired consistency (I go for firm, but a little wet- so they stay moist when baked).

3. Pour some marinara sauce on the bottom of a baking pan. Roll meatballs to the desired sizes, sprinkle with a bit more sauce and some parmesan cheese. Bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees.

Pasta Salad. I recently tried to re-create one of my husband’s favorite meals (definitely do this once in a while to show your love) called the Garbage Plate. Have you heard of this?

It originated in Rochester, NY where he used to live, and is basically a diner/hangover style dish with a lot of fatty and rich foods (I plan to do a post soon on how I made the whole dish much healthier), including pasta salad.

As one of the key components of the Garbage Plate, I needed to cut down the fat in this ‘salad’, and here’s how I did it.

How to Make It

1. In a large bowl, add:

• 2 c cooked, whole grain fusilli or elbow macaroni
• 1 c onion
• 1 c celery
• 1/2 c bell pepper

2. In a separate bowl, mix together:

• 1/2 c low fat mayonnaise
• 1/2 c plain nonfat Greek yogurt
• 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon dijon mustard

3. Pour wet ingredients into the bigger bowl with the pasta and veggies. Mix everything thoroughly together, and season with salt and pepper to taste.

I suggest making this ahead of time and letting flavors meld a bit, covered in the fridge. Experiment with small increments of the vinegar and Worcestershire if it’s needing a touch more of a kick!

This dish would make a great side for several meals on this list, like grilled pork chops.

Fish with Capers. This has become a favorite recently, and I’ve been so pleased to get the chance to add some healthy fish into our diets.

How to Make It

1. To a baking dish, add:

• 2 chopped shallots
• 4 thinly sliced garlic bulbs
• 2+ tbsp rinsed capers (if you love them, add more!)
• 15-20 grape or cherry tomatoes
• 1/4 c olive oil
• Salt and pepper

2. Bake for about 20 minutes at 425, until the tomatoes are blistered

3. Take the pan out of the oven, and nestle four (oiled and seasoned) pieces of white fish (sword fish, mahi mahi, halibut, etc) in among the vegetables.

4. Bake another 15 minutes. Garnish with fresh herbs.

Shrimp Stir Fry. Any kind of stir fry is SO easy and flavorful- seriously just a protein (in this case shrimp), vegetables, and a sauce. There are lots of pre-made frozen meals like this, but making it yourself makes it healthier and customized to you.

How to Make It

1. Caramelize some diced onions and garlic in olive oil in your pan or wok by stirring constantly until translucent. Then add veggies, like (all kinds of) peppers, corn, mushrooms, bok choy, beans, snap peas…whatever you like. Sauté the vegetables about 5-7 minutes.

2. Add your proteins and cook until opaque in the case of shrimp, or nice and browned (for chicken). Or use a meat thermometer if necessary.

3. Add some stir fry sauce (either buy or make- see below), then cover and let the pan stay on simmer for about five minutes for the flavors to get infused.

We love this with some cilantro lime rice. Mmm.

Home-made Stir Fry Sauce
Equal parts:
- Soy sauce
- Fish sauce
- Rice wine vinegar
- Sweetener like honey or agave

Grilled Pork Chops. It’s a bit of a luxury to buy steak nowadays, with costs what they are- but we do love it now and again. We did steak, baked potatoes and a big Caesar salad for my daughter’s last night before heading back to college- and it’s perfect celebratory meal.

Only recently was I curious to try pork chops on the grill, since they are so much cheaper than steak (and even chicken lately), and we do make them occasionally anyway. Why did we not try this sooner? Holy moly, were they good.

How to Make Them

1. Take your chops (go for thicker, bone-in) out of the fridge and rest at room temperature for about half an hour.

2. Pat them dry with paper towels, then add a generous amount of seasoning (mix up a big batch to save for later if you’d like):

Pork chops’ seasoning:

3. Mix together equal parts:

• Smoked salt ( I believe this made it so good)
• Paprika
• Garlic powder
• Salt and pepper

4. Grill for five minutes per side and let rest for 3-5 minutes

I had one chop left and my husband wasn’t home, so I wanted to cook it up. I didn’t feel like going out to the grill, so I baked it in the oven, and got the same (amazing) outcome. I covered both sides of the pork with olive oil and the same rub I used above for grilling. 20 minutes at 400 degrees. Perfect.

Try these with my homemade apple sauce above, and mashed or baked potatoes.

I hope you enjoy making some healthy and tasty dinners for your loved ones, and that you stay on the path of health and happiness!